Friday, March 25, 2011

Racing into the future: Technology at SegaLeaks

On March 23rd and 24th, amazing things happened at SegaLeaks; the site flew out of the stone age and into the technological era.

On the 23rd, a poll was instituted which allowed the sleepy nation of SegaLeaks to let its voice to be heard. The world watched in awe as a reviled dictatorship flourished into a democratic nation. The poll was in regards to the posting of incredibly average asses. This was a gutsy move, as SegaLeaks is one of the only known locations of pornography on the internet where mom and dad's porn filter won't be alerted.

Then, on March 24th, an animated .gif of an ass appeared. SegaLeaks had done it; they'd finally become a world superpower. When reached for comment, the United States refused to comment on SegaLeaks' acquisition of the .gif. However, all was not well in SegaLeaks. Almost immediately, accusations of fraud flew. With one "Sorcerer" using his stature in the magic community to say that he was "sure the poll was fixed." SegaReeks can confirm that the poll was indeed fixed. We have calculated readership of SegaLeaks to be roughly five people, with an astounding 34 coming out for the vote, a mathematical impossibility.

One citizen of SegaLeaks was especially outraged, going so far to claim that pornography is "disgusting,stupid,offensive and disrespectful to the Tsunami victims." SegaReeks reached out to David Duchovny to comment on the matter:

Is that guy retarded? Pornography is great. Have you seen my tape? The only way porn would ever be offensive to tsunami victims is if the girl got a big old ass, and then when you slap it, it shakes like Japan before the wave hit.

We reached Duchovny in the middle of a porn star bender with one Charlie Sheen.

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